Halloween Weekend Summary

October 30, 2006 at 7:45 pm (Random Awesomenessity)

To bring you up to speed, my girlfriend, her sister, a friend of mine, and I had gone up to Boston for one of my friends birthdays (who is currently residing in Boston) and also for Halloween weekend.

Here is a quick wrap-up with some entertaining stories.

 

  1. The city of Boston’s streets were laid out and planned by a group of mentally handicapped senile Down-syndrome suffering adults who suffer from dementia.  I’m absolutely certain about this, regardless of what other information is provided.
  2. To get a hotel in Boston, one would have to pay $300+ a night.  Seeing as how I am not Tom Brady, I stayed in a hotel outside of Boston for $180/night.  (7 miles outside to be exact)  Apparantly this 7 miles would be a lot shorter if THE ROADS FUCKING STAYED THE SAME.  If you own a map or atlas relating to Boston, and it is over 2 days old, THROW IT OUT.  We were on 1 road that changed names 3 times, at least 3 roads that just RANDOMLY split into two, and then one MAGICALLY became a 1-way COMING the opposite direction, and also, I was able to find 2 roads that were one-way Dead ends.

I’ll let you read that last line again.

Got it?

One-way dead ends.

How the FUCK do you get out of a one-way dead end legally?

  1. The only real way to get around Boston is walking. The Proposed “T line” which is supposed be “as good” as the NYC subways, are far from it.  They are slow as balls, they don’t seem to know which way they are going (Outbound Vs. Inbound… one would assume this means “from Boston” or “To Boston.”  This is a bad assumption.  And most importantly, they stop running at 12:30 AM.  This is terrible because the Bars have last call at 2.  (really 1:30 AM)  This means you have to rely heavily on the taxi cab company.  Here’s what resulted.
    1. Walked out of the bars, joined about 25 people trying to fit in 1 taxi.  No good. 
    2. Walked to the nearest corner, took about 10 minutes to flag down 1 taxi, when I told him we were going to a place outside of boston, he drove away, thinking he was awesome.
    3. Crossed another street, waited to flag down another taxi.  I needed to piss, so I let the good yellow river flow behind a 7-11 (which, unusually enough, there was 1 down every corner, even more so than a Starbucks, but we did not see 1 Boston Market…. Strange.)
    4. Post-pissage, I see two whiteboys on the corner where I was attempting to flag down a cab.  So I move about 30 feet in front of them, try to flag one down.  I then hear a very faint, “hey, lines back here, get behind us.”

My response, “what did you say to me?”

“I said, get behind me.  You cant get a cab ahead of me.  Get in line.  Or…”

“Or what, whitey?  I don’t get behind NOBODY.  What fuckin line do you see?  Does this look like a taxi booth to you?  It’s a fucking street.”

“I said, get in line.”

“yeah, ok.”  (I proceed to get in the road now, trying to flag down a taxi)

“You get a cab, I’m pulling you out”

“Fucking come over here and say that to me”

(At this point, Anna is trying to say, “let me catch a cab, he wont do anything to a girl”  and I calmly retort, “fine, you get a cab, I’ma beat his ass”)

Whiteboy responds back, “I’ll pull you both out, throw you in the river”

“Is that your threat?  Fucking moron.  You’ll throw me in a river? Nice one.  I’ll kick your ass, and your friends ass, if you keep talking to me”

At this point my friend walks over, and now it’s a 2-2 guy ratio.  What happens?  The whiteboys get pissed and walk down the road. 

I’m not sure If I’m more pissed at my friend for 1) stepping in that late, or 2) stepping in at all, and thus, squashing any chance of me putting a whiteboys face through a windshield.  It wasn’t just the alcohol in me that made me believe I could win a 2 on 1, but his other friend was whispering behind him, “cut it out, cut it out”  Yeah, I totally would have beaten some whiteboy ass that night.  (we did get a cab, about 40 minutes after leaving the bar)

Finally we get back to the hotel, and proceed to play cards and continue drinking.  We all had a very intoxicatingly good time.  And that was Friday.

 

Saturday was recovery day, as we did not get out of the Hotel till about 2 PM.  After a bunch of us showered, we dropped my buddy off at his place to get cleaned up, while we got food.  He then called me 20 min. later b/c he wanted to join, so I offered to pick him up. 

While attempting to leave this parking lot, I was faced with a very strange intersection.  There was an island on my side, which forced me to go right, onto a completely different road, or to take the left.  There was no lines, so I was not sure (and still am not sure) if that was a 1-way road.  I proceed to take the left, I saw a green light in my general direction, and continued.  I was then sitting about 3 feet infront of a Police officer who was trying to turn right.  I give him the right of way, and when I can, I floor it,  Just in case he was thinking about turning around (feasibly impossible in that intersection) I figured I’d make a get-away.  It worked.  Either that, or he saw the NY License plates and said, “shit, I don’t know where I’m going, how the fuck would he know.  I can’t pull him over for something like that.”

I pick him up, we all eat food, and that’s where things get a lil crazy.  Anna and her sister wanted to meet up with friends 10 minutes away (walking) but about 30 minutes, 4 1-way’s, and 3 illegal U-turns later.  My friend Clark has a brilliant idea of driving to “

“Haavad Bars” to see what that’s all about.  I didn’t care, as long as it involved drinking. 

 

We proceed to drive around, each of us examining the current map thoroughly.  We get to Harvard Square.  There are plenty of bars and lots of people on the street.  We think it’s a good idea to go here.

Problem was: AINT NO GODDAMN PLACE WE CAN PARK. 

So we drive around side-streets looking to park, only getting ourselves more and more lost.  We certainly weren’t on the map any more, that’s for sure.

Now One can blame this on us just taking random lefts and rights, but I would also say it can be attributed to the fact that Clark and I were rolling down our windows and screaming out obscenities at random folk, as if we were suffering from Tourets.  These were some of the words we used, loudly and quickly:NUTBAG, BALL HAIR, ASS CREAM, BUUUUUTTT SEX.  This was a nut-bagging good time.

Karma’s a bitch.  We spent the next 30 minutes looking for how to get back.

 

Elongated story made semi-short: Lots of driving, 3 hours, 2 bars, 1 drink.  Not a great time.

But it was highlighted by the fact that we decided to wait for the girls by the car, then figured we had some time to kill, walked to the corner bar, turned back around because they tried to charge a $10 cover for 1 drink, and then we over hear, “the transvestite bar down the corner, there, provides plenty of amusing characters.” 

Thank GOD we did not step into that bar.

 

And Finally, we went to a costume party.

 

Here’s who I was:

 

 

And I was AWESOME. 

 

And now, your time is up.

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