Halloween Weekend Summary

October 30, 2006 at 7:45 pm (Random Awesomenessity)

To bring you up to speed, my girlfriend, her sister, a friend of mine, and I had gone up to Boston for one of my friends birthdays (who is currently residing in Boston) and also for Halloween weekend.

Here is a quick wrap-up with some entertaining stories.

 

  1. The city of Boston’s streets were laid out and planned by a group of mentally handicapped senile Down-syndrome suffering adults who suffer from dementia.  I’m absolutely certain about this, regardless of what other information is provided.
  2. To get a hotel in Boston, one would have to pay $300+ a night.  Seeing as how I am not Tom Brady, I stayed in a hotel outside of Boston for $180/night.  (7 miles outside to be exact)  Apparantly this 7 miles would be a lot shorter if THE ROADS FUCKING STAYED THE SAME.  If you own a map or atlas relating to Boston, and it is over 2 days old, THROW IT OUT.  We were on 1 road that changed names 3 times, at least 3 roads that just RANDOMLY split into two, and then one MAGICALLY became a 1-way COMING the opposite direction, and also, I was able to find 2 roads that were one-way Dead ends.

I’ll let you read that last line again.

Got it?

One-way dead ends.

How the FUCK do you get out of a one-way dead end legally?

  1. The only real way to get around Boston is walking. The Proposed “T line” which is supposed be “as good” as the NYC subways, are far from it.  They are slow as balls, they don’t seem to know which way they are going (Outbound Vs. Inbound… one would assume this means “from Boston” or “To Boston.”  This is a bad assumption.  And most importantly, they stop running at 12:30 AM.  This is terrible because the Bars have last call at 2.  (really 1:30 AM)  This means you have to rely heavily on the taxi cab company.  Here’s what resulted.
    1. Walked out of the bars, joined about 25 people trying to fit in 1 taxi.  No good. 
    2. Walked to the nearest corner, took about 10 minutes to flag down 1 taxi, when I told him we were going to a place outside of boston, he drove away, thinking he was awesome.
    3. Crossed another street, waited to flag down another taxi.  I needed to piss, so I let the good yellow river flow behind a 7-11 (which, unusually enough, there was 1 down every corner, even more so than a Starbucks, but we did not see 1 Boston Market…. Strange.)
    4. Post-pissage, I see two whiteboys on the corner where I was attempting to flag down a cab.  So I move about 30 feet in front of them, try to flag one down.  I then hear a very faint, “hey, lines back here, get behind us.”

My response, “what did you say to me?”

“I said, get behind me.  You cant get a cab ahead of me.  Get in line.  Or…”

“Or what, whitey?  I don’t get behind NOBODY.  What fuckin line do you see?  Does this look like a taxi booth to you?  It’s a fucking street.”

“I said, get in line.”

“yeah, ok.”  (I proceed to get in the road now, trying to flag down a taxi)

“You get a cab, I’m pulling you out”

“Fucking come over here and say that to me”

(At this point, Anna is trying to say, “let me catch a cab, he wont do anything to a girl”  and I calmly retort, “fine, you get a cab, I’ma beat his ass”)

Whiteboy responds back, “I’ll pull you both out, throw you in the river”

“Is that your threat?  Fucking moron.  You’ll throw me in a river? Nice one.  I’ll kick your ass, and your friends ass, if you keep talking to me”

At this point my friend walks over, and now it’s a 2-2 guy ratio.  What happens?  The whiteboys get pissed and walk down the road. 

I’m not sure If I’m more pissed at my friend for 1) stepping in that late, or 2) stepping in at all, and thus, squashing any chance of me putting a whiteboys face through a windshield.  It wasn’t just the alcohol in me that made me believe I could win a 2 on 1, but his other friend was whispering behind him, “cut it out, cut it out”  Yeah, I totally would have beaten some whiteboy ass that night.  (we did get a cab, about 40 minutes after leaving the bar)

Finally we get back to the hotel, and proceed to play cards and continue drinking.  We all had a very intoxicatingly good time.  And that was Friday.

 

Saturday was recovery day, as we did not get out of the Hotel till about 2 PM.  After a bunch of us showered, we dropped my buddy off at his place to get cleaned up, while we got food.  He then called me 20 min. later b/c he wanted to join, so I offered to pick him up. 

While attempting to leave this parking lot, I was faced with a very strange intersection.  There was an island on my side, which forced me to go right, onto a completely different road, or to take the left.  There was no lines, so I was not sure (and still am not sure) if that was a 1-way road.  I proceed to take the left, I saw a green light in my general direction, and continued.  I was then sitting about 3 feet infront of a Police officer who was trying to turn right.  I give him the right of way, and when I can, I floor it,  Just in case he was thinking about turning around (feasibly impossible in that intersection) I figured I’d make a get-away.  It worked.  Either that, or he saw the NY License plates and said, “shit, I don’t know where I’m going, how the fuck would he know.  I can’t pull him over for something like that.”

I pick him up, we all eat food, and that’s where things get a lil crazy.  Anna and her sister wanted to meet up with friends 10 minutes away (walking) but about 30 minutes, 4 1-way’s, and 3 illegal U-turns later.  My friend Clark has a brilliant idea of driving to “

“Haavad Bars” to see what that’s all about.  I didn’t care, as long as it involved drinking. 

 

We proceed to drive around, each of us examining the current map thoroughly.  We get to Harvard Square.  There are plenty of bars and lots of people on the street.  We think it’s a good idea to go here.

Problem was: AINT NO GODDAMN PLACE WE CAN PARK. 

So we drive around side-streets looking to park, only getting ourselves more and more lost.  We certainly weren’t on the map any more, that’s for sure.

Now One can blame this on us just taking random lefts and rights, but I would also say it can be attributed to the fact that Clark and I were rolling down our windows and screaming out obscenities at random folk, as if we were suffering from Tourets.  These were some of the words we used, loudly and quickly:NUTBAG, BALL HAIR, ASS CREAM, BUUUUUTTT SEX.  This was a nut-bagging good time.

Karma’s a bitch.  We spent the next 30 minutes looking for how to get back.

 

Elongated story made semi-short: Lots of driving, 3 hours, 2 bars, 1 drink.  Not a great time.

But it was highlighted by the fact that we decided to wait for the girls by the car, then figured we had some time to kill, walked to the corner bar, turned back around because they tried to charge a $10 cover for 1 drink, and then we over hear, “the transvestite bar down the corner, there, provides plenty of amusing characters.” 

Thank GOD we did not step into that bar.

 

And Finally, we went to a costume party.

 

Here’s who I was:

 

 

And I was AWESOME. 

 

And now, your time is up.

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NFL wrap-up Week 7

October 23, 2006 at 2:46 pm (Uncategorized)

ok, so I haven’t been updating this recently…

 I’ve actually been BUSY at work.

dont worry, I decided to just phase out for the entirity of today, and so, without further adieu…

  Vikings vs. Seahawks

The Vikings came to Qwest stadium in Seattle, and had to deal with the over-boisterous “12th man” that is the Seahawks fans.  They boast the loudest DBA (Decibals) in an NFL stadium (perhaps amplified by speakers??) and have cause many botched snap-counts and distractions.  A good way to get rid of that noise?  Dive onto their QB’s leg, sending him off the field, and leaving them with Seneca Wallace.  I now give you this wonderful excerpt from ESPN.com:

Seneca Wallace, a fourth-year veteran who has never started an NFL game, was 14-for-25 for 134 yards passing and two interceptions. He also lost a fumble in his own end zone while Ben Leber sacked him. Kevin Williams covered the ball for Minnesota’s final score.“For the circumstances, I think I did all right,” Wallace said. I can’t agree more.  2 fantastic INT’s and a fumble lost in his End zone to the Vikings for a TD.  That’s Charlie Batch-esque.  And if you listen to a ton of Steeler fans, they’ll be “more than fine” with Charlie Batch. Just for the record, they are now down 1 star RB (Madden Curse) and a very high-quality QB.  Superbowl curse?  NAH.31-13, Flavor Flav hats.  

 

Broncos vs. Browns

Story behind this is the fact that Romeo Crennel  gave up virtually their whole Defensive line from a couple of years ago, and Mike Shannahan picked them up, and turned them into the newly formed “BROWNcos Defensive line.”  Which has allowed a mere 44 points the entire season. Plummer was flat-out abysmal, throwing 2 Int’s and only 1 TD.  Dude only scored 15 points in my fantasy league.  What a bum.  When summarizing this game, one can only leave with this statement: We are talking about a game with the Browns, so no one really cares. 

17-7, ponies over UPS.

   

Redskins vs. Colts

Seriously, I’m about as tired about hearing of Norv Turner’s 700-page offensive schemes.  Dare I say it, it’s borderline T.O. noteworthy, meaning that everyone who talks about the Redskins has to talk about this offensive playbook.  IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY PAGES ARE IN THERE, WORK ON THE FIRST 30 AND TRY TO WIN A GODDAMN GAME.  Joe Gibbs left Brunell in when it was 36-14 with 5 minutes left in the 4th, just so that Brunell can pad his stats, and to assure Redskins fans that he has not lost hope with Brunell.  I’m thinking its more that his Backup QB sucks.

36-22, Colts trounce the Racial stigmas.

   Chargers vs. Chiefs

I had not had the ability to watch/listen to this game, but from what I heard, it seemed like a trouncing early, with KC leading S.D. 20-3, then 20-6, then 27-6, 27-13.  This was all in the first half.  A couple of things to point out: 1.) KC’s O-line is still pretty good.

2.) LJ is still a beast, and Reggie Bush got a good 2nd pick in his league. 3.) you can NOT stop Ladainian Tomlinson.  You try to shut him down from rushing, he gets a 37 yard Receiving Touchdown.  He rushes again, you’re right in front, ready to pounce, but wait! He stops back, and lobs it over your head for an easy TD.  Since 2003 (First year he attempted) LT is 6 – 9 in completions,  107 yards, and 5 TD’s, for a SICK passer rating of 146.8.  Despite his efforts,  it wasn’t enough.  A Late 53-yard field goal by Lawrence Tynes (LT3?) won it for the other Racial stigmas, 30-27.

   

Steelers vs. Falcons

I REAAAAAALLY wished I watched this game.  Everyone hates on Vick’s passing, then he throws 4 TD’s, and people sing a different tune.  Look, the guy is talented, but if you keep in mind that all those TD’s were short-yardage TD’s, and that he basically had the reins held firm by Mora, knowing full-well that the Steelers Corners and Safeties are excellent at what they do, but the Linebacking Corps without Joey Porter would be lost, Mora called short-yardage plays.  Vick scrambled most of the time, keeping the LB corps around him, focusing on him if in case he runs, which allowed Crumpler to rumble his way to 20 yard passes.Of course vick would rather throw a 60-yard TD bomb followed by a 50-yard TD run, but if you keep him in and just make it LOOK like you are going for the big play, good things can open up.  Also, as much as I hate to say this, knowing full-well that this will be one of the first issues on Around the Horn, did Roethlisberger fall off his motorbike because of a black cat that crossed his path, which sent him flying under a large ladder, into about 63 mirrors, or is he just having one of those “I should have been on the cover of Madden” seasons?  And need I say anything more than “Charlie Batch?”

41 – 38, Birds over former Russian and Italian immigrant steelworkers

  

Pats vs. Bills

Pats Defense killed the Bills.  JP Losman is still JP Losman, and nowhere close to Jim Kelly.  Nothing to report here.

28-6 Patricias over Williams

   

Panthers vs. Bengals

Wanted to watch this game, heard it wasn’t too entertaining.  Benglas took a big risk in going for a 4th and 1 from the Bengals 35.

“It was ballsy,” Johnson said of the fourth-and-one play-call that Johnson turned into a diving 32-yard grab. “That was some Scarface-type shit there.”

I guess he’s one guy who’s gotten comfortable with his Wide Receivers coach and offensive coordinator.  Take note, “the Player”

17-14 Orange-and-black-striped felines over blue/black

  

Packers vs. Miami

Miami SUCKS.

34-24 Favres.

   

Lions vs. Jets

This was actually an entertaining game.  I was driving back from LI (3 hour drive… a 3 hour driiiiive) and had this on the radio to drown-out my girlfriends conversations about something or other.  It worked wonders, she actually went to sleep.  Nonetheless, it was entertaining to me.  Jon Kitna reminds me of a quarterback JUST GOOD ENOUGH to get you a tie, but not a win.  Kitna played well, relied on Kevin Jones (and thankfully, as I started him, on my Girlfriends suggestion) and they played well, but wasn’t enough for the Green Men.  Mangini was calling some really good offensive plays, and it worked out well.  And then theres the fact that they were playing the Lions.

31-24, airplanes.

   

Philly vs. Buccaneers

Lets break this down by points.

Philly had the ball, McNabb threw to the Buccaneers Ronde Barber, who returned the INT for 37 yards and a TD.

Bruce Gradkowski got the Buc’s far enough to score a FG. 

McNabb now throws another pass to Ronde Barber, and no one is able to pick him up, 66-yard INT for TD. 

(2 receptions, 103 yards, 2 TD’s = 1 for rec. + 10 for yards + 3 bonus for going over 100 yards + 12 for 2 TD’s plus 5 point bonus for 50+yard TD equals out to: 2 + 10 + 3 + 12 + 5 = 32 Fantasy points, if Ronde was a receiver.)

another Field goal somewhere by the Buc’s (this one didn’t matter)

McNabb was able to SOMEHOW still engineer a comeback, throwing for 3 TD’s, and chunks.  (it was 105 degrees F. on the field, and McNabb barfed before a TD pass.  Probably got extra time to throw as no one really wanted to land on him for the sack and smell of Chunky Soup.)

Philly is now up, 21-20.

The Bucs call their Kicker, Matt Bryant, to try a PRAYER 62-yard Field goal.  And guess what? MONEY.

23-21, Scurvy.

*Interesting stat: The Eagles outgained the Bucs in yardage, 506-196, but had four turnovers to Tampa Bay’s none.*

   

Jaguars vs. Texans

It’s pretty evident that the Jaguars were watching and game-planning on Houstons last game, the thrashing from the Dallas Cowboys.  They were more than underprepared, and thought this was going to be a cupcake-win.  They lost, Byron Leftwich was terrible (125 yards, 0 TD’s) and their running game is Fragile Fred. 

27-7    the non-Reggie Bushes

 

And finally, I know you were all waiting on this one…

  

Arizona vs. Oakland

people of Arizona – be prepared to see this in your daily newspaper:

Wanted – Head coach

Has to know how to play offense,

Should not have owned or operated a B&B

Experience isn’t necessary.

Experience with the Raiders is ABSOLUTELY not wanted.

Should know the Bears were what we thought they were.

Inquire within.

 

I mean really, how the HELL do you lose to the Raiders?  Especially with Edge and Anquan.  Wow.  I was absolutely awestruck when I saw the ticker showing Ari 9, OAK 22.

 

Goodbye and good luck, Denny Green.

 

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