Week 2 NFL wrap-up

September 19, 2006 at 10:14 am (Sports rants)

Here’s where I comment on every NFL game, even if it needs no commentary.  And so I begin…


Tampa Bay Vs. Atlanta

Why even bother passing the ball when your running game is that good?  The Falcons tallied 458 yards on the ground.  Most teams don’t tally that much TOTAL yardage.

Vick opted not to pass, and took to his feet on numerous occasions.  It seems Tampa Bay and their once-known “Vick Stopper” in Derrick Brooks can not do what they need to when it comes down to it.


Detroit Vs. Chicago

Detroit let Rex Grossman pass for 4 TD’s.  I think that should say enough.

Side note: Lions wideout Roy Williams posed after catching a first down.  They were down by 10 at this point.  When asked why he posed, Williams responded with, “its not my fault the Lions are so bad, but I should be rewarded for making a first down.” (SIC)


Cleveland Vs. Cincinnati

I really hope no one actually bet that Cleveland would even come close to their spread.  Whatever the spread was, you should have known Cleveland would not have been able to cover it.  Cincy wins this one big time.  Palmer looks like 2005 Palmer.  That’s good.


N’Orleans vs. the Pack

The Packers actually played like they should have, where it would be a high-flying, no-defense game.  I think the only difference between Brett Favre on Sunday and Brett Favre of last year is that people (Donald Driver) actually CAUGHT his passes.  And therein lies the solution.  GET BETTER RECEIVERS.  Side note: Green Bay signed Koren “0.08 BAC” Robinson.  Perhaps he was signed because he has good hands.  Perhaps he was signed because him and Maurice Clarrett were AA meeting buddies, and they are looking 3 ½ years into the future.  Also, New Orleans looked pretty good, barring a horrendous 1st half for Brees.  I hate to use the cliché, but it was a regular “gun-slinging” matchup between Brees and Favre.


Peyton Manning Vs. the Texans

Don’t you think it’s a bit wrong that Tony Dungy kept Manning in and kept calling passing plays?  I appreciate the fantasy points, but still, one would hope you’d protect your franchise players!  By the way, no one gives a crap about the Texans, anyway.


Buffalo Vs. Miami

Culpepper’s passes were pretty poor.  Say that 5 times fast. 

Daunte just looked uncomfortable.  This should have been a guaranteed win.


**BREAKING NEWS:  T.O. Just had an Egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast.  More details later on. **


Carolina Vs. Minnesota


“well, we’re up a TD, theres only 5 minutes or so to play… what the hell, lets go BONKERS and throw a trick play in there.”  Great job, Dick-face.  This isn’t College Football, where bootlegs and laterals are requirements.  Just return the ball, run down the clock, and kick a field goal to make it a 2 score game.  Penis mouth.  Ryan Longwell, Minnesota’s Kicker, scored all 16 of Minnesota’s points, with 3 Field goals and a TD pass to take the game into OT.

From ESPN.com:  “I should’ve kept the ball.”  — Chris Gamble, Punt returner and horrible lateral-passer.


G-men Vs. the Eagles

I’m not going to lie, I turned this game off during the 3rd quarter, because the G-men were playing almost as bad as the Raiders were.  I would deem this more as the Eagles losing than the Giants winning.  And since it’s impossible to not talk about T.O. when we talk about the Eagles, I bet they could have used T.O. as a cornerback, because he’s so tall and so strong, that he could have covered Plaxico Burress on that “walk-off” Touchdown.


Oakland vs. Baltimore

I checked CBS Sportsline’s updated stats on Aaron Brooks, and all it said was: 2 Fumbles Lost.  Note, there were NO PASSES THROWN, CAUGHT, runs, etc.  How does this man suck so hard?  How do the Raiders manage to suck so hard?  Would they even be able to win a flag football league in Plattsburgh?


St. Louis vs. San Francisco

Either the 49ers offense has gotten significantly better, or the Rams Defense sucks as hard as the Raiders Offense.  Where did Marc Bulger go?  Anybody?  Anybody?


Arizona vs. Seattle

I really thought this was going to be a higher-scoring game.  I guess Kurt Warner didn’t thank Jesus loud enough after last week’s game.


Kansas City Vs. Denver

Yet another game I would have thought would have been a high-scoring affair.  This one  was flat out boring.  But it does not come close to the Jags-Steelers game (as mentioned below)


Patriots Vs. The Jets

Not going to lie, after watching the G-men come back to win in OT, I actually had a false sense of hope that Pennington could do the same.  I guess theres only 1 miracle in NYC this time.


Tennesee Vs. San Diego

Wow, Tennesee’s defense sucks SO HARD that LT2 rested the 2nd half, and his backup, Michael Turner, Racked up 138 yards rushing.  Hell, Phillip Rivers had 235 yards passing.

Washington Vs. Dallas

This game wasn’t about Washington’s terrible offense, or Brunell’s lack of QB skill, or Bledsoe’s lack of mobility.  Nope, none of that.  It was all about T.O. breaking his right ring finger. 


Pittsburgh Vs. Jacksonville

If we take away the fact that a field goal was worth 3 points instead of 1, we would have a score of 3 kicks to nothing.  Does this seem like a 1 sided soccer match to you?  No?  Of course not, no one wants to watch something as low-scoring as that.

Hear that, FIFA?  Change the scoring… Headers are worth 6, Bicycle kicks = 7, Penalty shots =3, and you can add trick-points to that based on judges decision on how tough the shot was.

 And to conclude, following that breaking report on T.O.’s breakfast sandwich, he said it was pretty good.  He even discarded the wrapper in the garbage can.  And his fart smelled of a mixture of pungeant aroma’s, a blend of Cumin and Paprika.


1 Comment

  1. Mary said,

    I feel bad for Anna that you watch this much football at this much detail.
    I would kill myself.

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