Cant wait to get out of here

August 22, 2006 at 2:16 pm (Random Awesomenessity)

I actually got into work early today.  Seriously.

Woke up at 6:15, went to the bathroom.  basically shot blanks.  Thought I would be OK. 

went Jogging at 6:35.  Doing quite well, might I add.  Started picking up the pace about 2 songs in, when Joe Budden’s “Pump it up” starts playing.  Legs feeling sore, but that “good sore.”  About 1 mile into it, i feel a turtle head trying to sneak through.

Where the hell was this mofo when his little baby turtles went swimming at 6:20 ??

i realize by the time i’ve gone over the hill that I’m going to need to drop deuce quite soon.  I’m now on the bridge over Highway 890.  Contemplate turning around, noted a large plot of land a little while back with a lot of trees.  Could be dark enough to take a sweet dump.  Realized i’d have to run back home “not-so-fresh” for a mile.

So I continue on my jog, because I had to make it a nice round number.  Turn back at 1.25 mi, now im starting to worry.

on my way back, i pass the trees.  The sun is out and its too bright for me to not be noticed.   I now am in fear of wanting to fart and have a slippery one.

about 2 miles in, I pas by the gas station.  I’d rather shit myself than sit on that toilet seat.

finally, 2.5 miles later, i get home.  No time to “cool down,” I sprint down to the shitter.  madness ensues in the form of brown hot-fire showers.

 after all is said and done, I shower, change up, pack my lunch, and its only 7:35 AM.  holy crap.  I had nothing better to do, and realized I want to leave early to pick up my copy of Madden 07.  So I went in to work, got in at 7:43 AM.

Now, I really, REALLY can’t wait to get out of work.  I don’t forsee me playing Madden till about 10 PM tonight, but it will be well worth the wait.

Upon re-reading this post, I realize i have waxed poetic about how bad I had to take a dump.  Am I worried about this?  Not at all.  He who re-reads and paraphrases himself is not sure of his statements, and thus, is not sure of himself.

 And I, for one, am sure of my awesomeness, and have the inner freedom to divulge interesting points of my life, even if they include defocation.

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