July 5, 2006 at 11:40 am (Random Awesomenessity)

I was rudely awakened this morning by a completely and utterly HORRIBLE song on the radio.  Kelis’ “i’m bossy”

In case you’ve never heard it, it sounds like the most disgusting crap you could ever imagine, times 53.  Its the sound of ripping out a cat’s intestines while the cat is still alive, then having a dog chew on those same intestines.

The song starts off with a terribly crappy instrumental, which jars me completely out of bed, and attempting to turn off the radio.  Alas, i failed…

the first lines to the song are, “You don’t have to like me, but you must respect me.  ‘Cuz ima BOSS”

In my (now vehemently angry yet completely sleepy) state, I yelled, “MMFMMMMM! FUCKEMM UFFFIFM!”  Which roughly translates to, “YOU FUCKING BITCH, NO ONE LIKES YOU, NO ONE RESPECTS YOU.  YOU AINT NO FUCKIN BOSS, I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE”

So now I head over to the shower, still mad that I was awoken by worse sounds than finger nails scratching on a chalkboard, and I decided, right there, in the buff, that I would now have to bump Kelis up to “People I hate the most” with that Chinese Grey’s Anatomy bitch, Sandra Oh.

In case you don’t know who she is, here is the dumbest picture i could find of this stupid, ugly, spiteful bitch:



Now, let me go on my usual rant to depict just how much I truly hate these two people…

If either of them were riding their bicycles one day, on a hot, summer day, and were’nt looking both ways, BAM! side-swiped by a Mack Truck.  They survive this hit-and-run, and then, as they are getting their bloody carcasses off the asphalt, a character-actor such as Forrest Whittaker, who remains perched on a tree limb up above them, currently method-acting the savagery and cannibalistic aborigines of the Australian  Outback for his latest film, “Killing the Crocodile hunter,” Shoots a blow-dart full of python venom into their neck, and while the venom slowly flows through their circulatory system, systematically shutting down vital organs, one after another, (i.e. pancreas, kidneys, lungs, uterus) an Ambulance actually makes it to the scene, but the medic in the ambulance uses an old syringe to give them insulin, and the old syringe was just used on an AIDS victim, and as the syringe pierces the skin, the ambulance gets hit by a Mack Truck (hopefully the same one), and then spontaneously combusts.

If this scenario plays out, I think i might actually wet myself.




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