How does Isaiah manage to do this??

July 31, 2006 at 9:54 am (Sports rants)

This is absolutely unbelievable.

the New York Knicks have managed to pick up an EXACT DUPLICATE of Jerome James.

Reportedly, the Knicks have signed Jared Jeffries to a 5 year, 30 million dollar deal.

Jeffries has averaged 6.1 points and 4.9 rebounds a game.

just to translate, that equals approximately 1 million dollars a point, or 1.2 million for a rebound.

And we are talking about a guy who played on the Washington Wizards last year, with Gilbert “O” Arenas, who has more than a tendency to let a shot fly. 

Q:How hard would it have been to get a rebound that carromed off an errant three, only to extend your arms and put it back in? 

A: about 6 million dollars worth of difficulty.

Maybe next month, the Knicks can over-pay for a trade with Darius Miles and his parole officer.  How would they manage to overpay, you ask?  Isaiah will probably be the first to trade locations with the Portland Jailblazers.

I’m so glad i’m not a Knick fan.  Watching this team go straight to the sh***er is amusing, in a schaudenfreude type of way.

Why not have Reggie Miller night, while you’re at it?

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my office is messed up

July 28, 2006 at 2:32 pm (Relating to Work)

Me and my co-workers (4 of us in this group) are considerred “externally employed” through an outside company, yet we work on-site.  Well, everyone we work with, whom always “invite us” to those STUPID ASS BIRTHDAY CRAPPY B.S. Things (that can be read more about here ) and all these other lame-ass events, they got invited to go up to the Track for opening weekend.  Technically, we didn’t get invited. 

Thats all fine and good. Whats NOT fine and good, and got me here to write about it, is that all of them (located across the hall, literally 3 steps from us) decided not to tell us about it.  Most of them came in to the office today, and decided to leave at 11.  well, thats great.  sneak around.

Do you really think thats kosher?

Nope.

Which is why my lunch break was over 2 hours. 

And i’m leaving early.

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Tour de France

July 27, 2006 at 5:52 pm (Sports rants)

I dont care what the French say about Landis, even if he was doping, it’s the French.

They’re still trying to get Lance Armstrong.

DISCLAIMER: here comes a little ebonical yelling:

“DUDE HAD TESTICLE CANCER AND WHOOPED YO’ ASS IN CYCLING.  NOW A CRIPPLE IS DOING IT, AND YOU STILL HATIN.”

Also, Charles Barkley for Governor?  Why the shit not, you’re Alabama.  You could use ANYTHING to have people talk about you.  Why not have Barkley fight Schwarzenegger, loser’s state gives $1 Mil to the winning state for blacktop for roads/replenishment of silicone, depending on who wins.

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In the mood for some change

July 26, 2006 at 2:49 pm (Uncategorized)

Ever get tired of the “same old, same old?”

It’s been 2 years of “same old, same old” for me.  Ever since graduating college, life seems to have slowed down in terms of dope-tastic awesomenosity, and yet, still manages to fly by, right beneath me.

I don’t get it, but it takes me back to a German proverb,

“vie get too schoon oldt, undt too late schmart”

if you can’t figure it out, go back to ESL.

If you can’t figure out what ESL is, go back to Panama and make dolls for kids out of your hair.

anyway, back to this rant… While at work, day’s go by awfully slowly.  by the time i get out of work at 4:15, i get home, take off my shoes, and somehow, some way, its 4:35.  (I’m only a 5 minute drive from work.)  Anyway, by the time I change into normal attire, its almost 5.  I usually go for a jog in the day, so that kills almost an hour of time with cool-down, then a shower.  That brings us to about 6:15.  Dinner and a little Seinfeld, and that routine brings me to the variable of the day, which really is about 4 hours worth of the daytime that changes daily.

so basically, I have 4 hours that are unregimented.  And most of the time its spent running errands.

F’ng kill myself.

At least I dont have kids and spend my weekend staining decks and mowing lawns.

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July 25, 2006 at 3:42 pm (Uncategorized)

perhaps I too quickly publish my ability to get away with murder at work, so at this junction of my blog, I have decided that rather than state the obvious on my workload, chronicle the idiocy that is my work.

I have done some stupid things here at work, for example, just yesterday i did a “reply all” instead of a forward, with the context, “you didn’t get this, FOOL!” to a distribution list.  Smart, I know.  But I’m sure there are worse things that could be done. 

For starters, I could be talking about someone being a wife-beater, only to have that same person turn the corner.  I could get caught blatantly reading glamour magazines or books about past wrestling stars at my desk while others walk in.  Hell, I could even burp and fart as loud as possible without acknowledging the fact that it is a.) morally unacceptable, and b.) that there are more than 5 people within smelling vicinity of said released digestive aroma.  But I digress.

Instead, I get caught attempting to send an intranet-based Instant message to my friend and co-worker, with the context that his mother was raped by a dolphin, and incorrectly sent it to my boss.

I guess that’s like 2 rungs below banging a cleaning lady on the boss’s laptop.

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Random Sports notes

July 24, 2006 at 9:51 am (Sports rants)

– Think Ricky Williams can get a doctor’s note for Medical Marijuana for his broken forearm?  I’m willing to bet 8.6 Million dollars it won’t matter. 

– For every Bengal arrested, an angel gets it’s wings.

– T.O. caught on film eating Chunky Soup, later on denies it, claiming it was Healthy Choice.  Then writes about it, and claims that’s a lie, too.

– not only are all the Yankee’s problem’s A-rod’s fault, he was the reason the stock market crashed in the 80’s, he caused the great depression, he let the dogs out, and he is the reason Affirmative Action is holding back the white’s from getting good jobs.  (and he also provided ideas to Enron’s top decision-makers)

– Did anyone else notice Sergio Garcia’s new sponsor: the Banana Boat?

– While watching ESPN classic, the sports ticker shows “Former NBA All-Star Shawn Kemp arrested on drug charges.”  Sadly, the ticker wasn’t a classic.

– Yao’s comment, “Do i look like a guy with a foot injury?” causes him to trip over a small house.

– French open will start off with inaugural meet-and-greet head butting.

– Barbaro update: not glue.  Yet.

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seriously

July 21, 2006 at 2:04 pm (Uncategorized)

i’ve done approx. 40 minutes of work today.

it was glorious.

then at about 9:15, we did an ESPN fantasy football league mock draft. 

Yes, thats right.  a mock draft.  to practice your drafting capabilities.

2 words about that: Neil. Rackers.

 anyway, that was an hour long thing right there.

and then, after that, i kinda floated around the office, not doing anything.

then, we did another mock draft.

then, i took a dump.

and by this time, it was noon.   My boss sugessted we go to lunch.  you know what that means?  a lunch that can be counted as a work hour.

so we just got back from lunch like 15 minutes ago, because the service was flat-out terrible.  It took the waitress 20 minutes to get our food, 30 minutes for desert, and approximately 12 seconds for the bill.

Dirty ho-bag.

and now, its 2.  And we are doing another mock draft till closing time.

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how do you make time slow down?

July 19, 2006 at 4:05 pm (Relating to Work)

sit at my desk.

 honestly, i’ve never watched time move slower.  I could probably sit here, write an entire thesis on why time travel is completely necessary, and maybe 2 minutes would have gone by.

 Do I have anything to update you on? Nope.

Job’s still here, things are moving along quite slowly, and I’ve run out of un-blocked websites that interest me here.

And i’ve totally whooped the computer’s ass in solitaire.

and its 4:04.  its moved exactly 1 minute.

No, i’m not a fast enough typer to say I’ve thought this whole thing through and then typed it in under a minute.

And sadly, the two things I’m looking forward to are 2+ weeks away…. Fantasy NFL draft, and Baltimore.

4:05.

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buying groceries suck

July 18, 2006 at 11:22 pm (Uncategorized)

you know what really sucks about it, aside from the fact that you have to pay for groceries?

when you buy something you already have, or even worse, forget something that you definitely needed.

I think those two create such a stir of emotions that can only be expressed by punching someone in the kidneys.

right now i have 3 boxes of elbow macaroni, 2 boxes of butter, like 5 different cereals, and no milk.

Also, went to wal-mart today.  believe it or not, there were less “wal-mart looking” people at wal-mart then what i saw during lunch at work today.

The one main vision that has been burned into my mind would be the woman with a buzz cut, and in the back (no, sadly, not a mullet) she had a RAT TAIL.  like, a solid 10 inch rat tail.  But here’s the kicker… It was definitely not centered.  This rat tail was 1 inch to the right.  and when it went down past her neck, you could clearly spot two REALLY SHITTY angel-wing tattoo’s through her Target-purchased blouse.

And yet, at Wal-mart, there was just your typical angry mother whose 2-year old kids were walking around without shoes and no shirt.  And they both had different fathers.

I wonder if San Diego has this type of folk…

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Only in Wyoming

July 17, 2006 at 9:32 am (Random Awesomenessity)

3 Found dead in Wyoming

Here’s the kicker, folks…

Laramie police Commander Dale Stalder said investigators were treating the deaths early Sunday as a triple murder but don’t think there is any danger to the community…”We just don’t have all the facts yet,” 

Yeeaaaaaah…. “Don’t be alarmed folks, 3 people are dead, but really, it’s allllll good, ain’t noffin to worry ’bout.  No siree bob.  Now just go back to doin what you was doin, takin care of your cows an’ all that.  See you at Church, Norma-Jean.  Beg ya’ pardon, n’ have a good night, Ma’am.  Billy Joe, quit molestin’ them there chicken fences.”

 Considerring the fact that Wyoming just lost like 15% of their population in that murder scene, don’t you think there should be a little caution?

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