Fat Cows taking up the fridge

June 21, 2006 at 9:15 am (Relating to Work)

Corporate America has a weight problem, no doubt about that.

There is no question that I have gained weight from sitting on my ass all day (doing nothing), but it's so unbelievably evident at my office.

Not to say that everyone is morbidly obese over here (although some could make a good case) but EVERYONE is watching their weight.

case in point: I tried to put my sandwich and soda in the fridge.  We have a mini office fridge, about the size of a thick midget.  maybe 40 inches high, decent enough.  Well recently, the fatty moo-cows decided to start up some fitness program that the company offers, which insists on eating more fruits. (be prepared, here comes the tirade…)

SOME FATTY FAT MOO COW IS PRETENDING TO BE ON THIS DIET AND BROUGHT 3 BAGS OF FRUITS.  LISTEN YOU FAT SHIT, COMPENSATING YOUR GREASY HAMBURGER AND WHOLE CHEESECAKE LUNCH FOR 42 BAGS OF FRUIT AIN'T GONNA DO SHIT. WE ALL KNOW AS SOON AS YOU GET TO YOUR CAR, YOU'RE GONNA TEAR INTO THAT GIANT WHEEL OF CHEESE YOU HAVE HIDING UNDER YOUR SEAT, AND WHEN YOU GET HOME, YOU'RE GOING TO COOK A WHOLE GODDAMN COW AND EAT EVERYTHING BECAUSE "OOOOH, I WAS SO GOOD AT LUNCH, I ONLY HAD 42 GUAVAS AND 13 MANGO'S AND 23 PEARS FOR LUNCH"

honestly, if they can eat that whole goddamn bag in one sitting, they have an issue that can't be solved with freakin fruits.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT, TAKE YOUR FAT ASS UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS AND GO FOR A WALK, DON'T TAKE UP PRIME TIME FRIDGE REAL ESTATE.

And for those of you who feel sad for these porkers, "ooh Kyrish, that's so mean, at least they are trying!"

You drink my warm-ass soda that is now being cooled by my air conditioner.

assholes.

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1 Comment

  1. C M E said,

    I seriously almost peed my pants. The tears are running down my face right now.

  2. rants and lunacy » Fatty Moo Cows part Deux said,

    […] to see original post, click here  (HILARIOUS, trust me) […]

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