lunchtime rant

June 13, 2006 at 2:18 pm (Relating to Work)

to clear the air, I was the source of ridicule for about 2 minutes.  Not primarily because I opted to get out the door first, so I may move my car to a closer spot in the parking lot, but rather, because I put the silver/aluminum leather protector visor for my car on while my co-workers stood idly, in what I can only say was a state of shock.

I expected humiliation, but at the same time, you, reader, must allow me my defense, after, of course, i document their side, in a faint attempt to imitate the legal system here.

The Plaintiffs – my co-workers.

complaint – I took more time to put up an "old fogey" visor, and that was quite herb-ish.

seeking: acceptance, or a reason to not be the butt of jokes. 

The Defendant – myself.

defense: My leather seats are cracking.

Plaintiffs state that it is indeed, "quite lame" to put said visor up, in public viewing.

Defendants self cross-examination: "dude, my leather seats are cracking."

Plaintiff retorts: "do you know how lame that looks?  You're really putting that up to block the heat from your car, aren't you?"

Defendant: Objection! treatment of witness as hostile, and accusatory with leading.

(overruled)

Defendant continues on: no, dick, that's why i rolled down the windows.  the REFLECTIVE VISOR is to keep the SUN (you know, that giant ball of gas, also known as "Helios," from inevitably causing my genuine leather car seats from getting old and cracking)

Plaintiff: "so you state that you put the visor up to block the sun, which inevitably causes the heat to stay away from the interior of your car?"

Defendant:  "what are you, dumb?  its fucking 80 degrees outside.  regardless of what i do, the inside of my car is going to be a fucking sweat-box.  REFLECTIVE —> REFLECTS THE SUNS HARMFUL RAYS. Dick."

Plaintiff (just one of 3 counsel on this one): "yeah, but it's still lame to move your car.  I bet you have competitions and tell everybody that you got the sweet parking spot"

Defendant: "Do we really need to broach this subject every day?  I move my car because a.) it breaks my day up, b.) it allows me some fresh air, c.) it gives me a mid-day walk, which is (shockingly) in the middle of my morning jog BEFORE work and my afternoon jog/workout AFTER work.  Thus contributing as a mid-day walk. and d.) it helps me get the FUCK out of here faster."

Plaintiff: "whatever.  I'm going to go buy coffee and talk about Hagen daaz not really being from Sweden or whatever"

Judgement – If i cared what they'd think, i'd actually pretend to be nice, which would make me a pretentious office old person, who actually cares about Thompson's water sealant and its ability to protect decks even through the hardest of hurricane seasons, and hottest of summers.  Defendant.

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4 Comments

  1. C M E said,

    Dude, use leather protectant or leather conditioner.

  2. kyrish said,

    CME-
    shutup. my reflector is awesome and you KNOW IT.

  3. C M E said,

    Yeah so awesome, thats why we stole it. Ha ha ha

  4. kyrish said,

    Y’all are some goddamn haters, thats what you are.

    I hope your cars reak of ass for the rest of eternity. Perhaps I may secretly take a dump in your car.

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