June 12, 2006 at 3:37 pm (Random Awesomenessity)

disclaimer:I am NOT a posterboy for relationships.  I am NOT someone to ask for advice on YOUR situation.  I am, infact, pretty sure my girlfriend has been in a constant state of beer-goggle vision and daft to what I am actually saying when we "converse," but there are some funny things i have noticed in my relationships that run a direct correlation to others.

First and foremost, let it be known that a college friend of mine, Cesar, had told me in the start of our relationship, "you're in the beginning, you'll rent a movie, and you won't even watch most of it… Take my word for it, it wont be long before you tell her, 'cut it out, i'm trying to watch the movie' "

what a bright foreshadowing.  It seems all couples get to the point where they get comfortable with one another.  This is when farting around the other goes from, "oops, sorry!" to "HAHAHA, SMELL THAT?  THATS BURRITO's, SON!"

Well anyway, what I was trying to get at is the whole courting of relationships.

It's truly amazing what one would say to the prey to eventually have them conquered.  in a TOTALLY RANDOM AND NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE I KNOW example, we will take an older gentleman, whom we will say, has older balls.  we shall call him, "B. of O" because he is Balls of Oldness.

anyway, B of O is totally and COMPLETELY infatuated with another female.  we shall call her "Rhinoplasty," due to the fact that she needed surgery for her deviated septum.

anyway, long story short, B of O started e-mailing back and forth with Rhinoplasty, claiming that everyone was staring at her "because of her beauty," and not the fact that she had bandages on her nose to assist with healing.

Sorry, B of O.  that was pretty lame.  no wonder you rock out in pants fit for the Blues Traveler.

Perhaps one day his crappy lines might bed Rhinoplasty, but one would assume a dinner  at the Glen Sanders might not be enough.

It seems that both, Men and women alike, try to impress one another when still in the courtship phase.  Women buy new clothes so the gentleman sees her in a new outfit, men hold back on burping and farting, and try to impress with "The best meals this side of the dollar menu"

speaking of which, unrelated story – Best line i've ever used with my other half: "Go ahead hunny, I'm treating you real good today.  pick 3 things on the dollar menu.  Your choice."

Well, when you eventually get to the point where your other half realizes you don't smell of Obsession ALL the time, and that you indeed, blow more wind after mexican day at the campus cafeteria than a 747 on the Tarmac, and you both are still with one another, it is probably a choice of 3 things:

1. you are both so comfortable with one another, that you can honestly say, "i swear, that means your food was delicious"

2. you both have severe irrational insecurities and think you are both "shooting above the means" with the other partner, thus would take those simple "imperfections," or

3. the sex is THAT good.

maybe this was a rant, maybe this was an attempt to get a reaction, or maybe, just maybe, I started this at 3:25, It's now 3:36 and i cant wait till 4:15 comes around and i'm outta here faster than tofurkey from your digestive tract.  Not because of its digestability, but because your stomach HATES YOU FOR EATING TOFURKEY.



  1. C M E said,

    Good lord. Sounds like Rhinoplasty is pretty smokin if she can pick up dudes w/ bandages on her nose.
    (I wonder if he will hit on me today too)

  2. C M E said,

    So I was reading a magazine while running a macro and came across this article. It states “10 pieces of info never to reveal about yourself”

    1. The number if guys you’ve bedded, if it rivals the current lottery jackpot figure.
    2. That it was actually you, not the cable guy, who reprogrammed your man’s TiVo to record Laguna Beach instead of the game.
    3. You sometimes let your dog, Smuffy, lick you on the mouth.
    4. That you kinda had your fingers crossed when you said the lasagna he cooked for your birthday dinner was deeeelish. And the retching sound he heard afterward wasn’t the neighbors cat hacking up fur.
    5. There never was a fire, Your brows are finshing-line thin because you plucked like crazy after 3 martinis and a breakup.
    6. You loved wgeb your competitive work friend put on 10 pounds during her much-bragged-about trip to Paris.
    7. When money is tight, you sometimes steal TP from the office.
    8. From the moment you met him, you wanted to have his babies. Several of them. You also have names picked out.
    9. Any stories that include you, Christmas party, an orgasn, and a subsequent promotion.
    10. There’s a stack of bridal magazines abd a scrapbook entitled “My dream Day” sitting under your bed.

    Are these people for real? What a dumb freakin article. And who the hell would steal TP from work? That stuff feels like sandpaper!

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