Loss of faith in people

June 16, 2009 at 9:19 am (1)

Gone are the days of good neighbors, me thinks.

Not saying the guys to the left and right of me are bad people, they’re actually quite nice, but in general, it seems people have lost their willingness to help another.

This may sound way too melodromatic, but stay with me on this short-term journey through a sad day in society…

I live in a neighborhood where there is just enough space between houses where you can’t hear dry humping or bed rocking, but you can hear abusive vulgarities directed at women who clearly don’t know their place. ( I KID, I KID.)

As I usually do, I decided to take my dog out on a bike ride throughout the neighborhood, about 1.5 miles round trip.  We go on the same route, see the same people, so its very familiar.  When the neighborhood sees a brown guy being pulled by a grey dog, they aren’t even surprised any more.

Last night, we make it not more than a block up, where I notice a 17-year old kid on crutches, hobbling in the middle of the street.  As we get closer, a random dog runs up to my dog.  The kid in crutches lets out a faded scream, “please don’t move.  He won’t hurt you.  please see if you can hold him there!”

I start to watch this kid hobble over in crutches.  Turns out – the dog is his, it ran out of his house an hour and 15 minutes ago, and he’s been trying to track the dog down and catch him.  I stay my ground, and manage to hold my dogs leash in one hand, and snag this dog’s collar with another.  The kid hobbles over saying thanks.

I hand over his dog, he tells me how no one was helping him, saying thanks often… As he’s doing this, the dog sneaks right out of the collar and just TAKES OFF.  So now, I tell him i’ll help, while other neighbors are literally sitting / standing on their porch.

I bike my dog back to the house (he’s utterly confused) and then hop in my car to drive hobbledy around when we catch the dog.  Sure enough, the dog chooses to continue to evade.  I watch the dog run from yard to yard, for about 20 minutes.  I’m chasing after this dog, the kid on crutches is practically crying in pain and loss of energy, meanwhile, half the people in these houses come out, watching in vain as I’m trying to corner this dog.

A lady comes out, smokes a cigarette, then yells out, “that dog better not sh-t in my yard.”

I yell back, “maybe you should get off your ass and help.”
this of course is taken with a “how dare you!” look, and still no movement.  Thankfully, the dog pissed on her bushes.  I scream out, “good dog” as other neighbors laugh.

Finally, 20 minutes goes by, and I manage to corner the dog, eventually bear-hugging him because he has no collar.  At this point, the dog is full of grass, dirt, and water from the rain puddles.   Wonderful.

We get the hobbled kid into my car, then the dog on his lap (aint no way someone elses wet, stinky dog is sitting on my seat.)  And drop him off at his house.  It turns out, he lived just 1 block away.

In all this time, there were about 20 people outside, only 1 of which offered to help, and 1 more offered some dog treats to try to call the dog over.

Within 1 year, i’ve helped catch and bring back 4 different dogs, all while receiving little help, and hardly any gratification.  At one point, I walked a dog to the front door, rang the bell, and the teenage kids saw me at the door, and wouldn’t come to it.  I had to say, “hey, I’ve got your dog, and if you don’t open this door, i’m just going to let him run off, and you assholes can catch him yourself.”

Anyway- the point I was trying to make in this long, conveluted story, was that it seemed no one else was willing to help.  Everyone would rather watch the entertainment.  I guess that’s where this whole reality TV schtick has taken us… “Reality – Its like HD TV on a big screen, assuming something’s on!”

Maybe its people afraid to help because of all the random lawsuits… the ones you hear about people helping others out of burning cars, then being sued for harming them by pulling too hard.  Maybe its people’s indifference to everything, because they think no one will help them.  Maybe it’s just a lack of morals and principles.  Whatever it is, it just left me dissapointed last night with people.

That being said, I’m still going to be that one dummy who will try to help out.  Hopefully one day that might get repaid, but I have no faith in that anymore.

(Wow, that soapbox held together pretty well.)

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it’s been a while…

March 10, 2009 at 8:47 pm (1)

Where to begin?

still working, which is good.

Currently in Grad school – another 7 more classes to go and I’m done  (Summer 2010)

Still Awesome.

Bought a house.

Got married.  (Lost some awesomeness.)

Still hate Colin.

Got a dog, training him to kill. (Not in the Michael Vick way)

Currently sitting in my Business Law MBA Class and wishing I was drunk.

Did come to a realization a while ago that College really was a paradigm shift ago.

Hangovers hurt more, drinks cost more, and you actually need to plan out your night (and transportation)

I guess that’s a decent, quick update on where I am.  I’ll come up with more entertaining stories as I choose.

For now – remember this one nugget:

Gold is at an all time high.  The time is right for you to take all your old gold “jurrry,” place it in an envelope, send it away to some company, then expect fair market value in cash back to you within 2 days.  Then, take a vacation of a lifetime!

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2007 NBA playoffs

May 25, 2007 at 11:39 am (Uncategorized)

I first want to get these thoughts out there on my website before I go ahead and read them on ESPN or any other website:

The 2007 NBA Eastern and Western conference playoffs SUCK.  And so will the finals.

 

First, let me get back to the Cavs-Pistons game last night.  For any of you less fortunate who actually tuned in to watch that garbage, I share your pain.

 

Let’s start off by saying WHAT A TERRIBLE GAME TO WATCH.  So slow moving, so many breaks, I couldn’t help but change the channel numerous times.  It was flat-out terrible.

 

Now fast-forward to what they’ll all be talking about… the last seconds of the game, where LeBron “finally” drove to the hoop and stuck with the shot.  I was absolutely, positively certain I witnessed the Detroit shooting guard Richard “Rip” Hamilton HACK THE BLOODY HELL out of lebron.  It was as bad a beating that you can get in the NBA without getting sucker-punched by a retreating Carmelo Anthony.  Of course, the refs didn’t do their job.

 

LeBron did what he was “supposed to” in this case, which was to take the last shot.  There were some major issues here, however…

  1. there was waaaaaaaay too much time left on the clock.  Assuming it went in, the Pistons still had a solid 10 seconds or so to get that last-second opportunity.
  2. Everyone knew it was going to, and staying in the hands of Lebron, after the fiasco before when he “deferred” to Donyell Marshall (the right move, if you ask me.  The “Michael Jordan wouldn’t do that” argument doesn’t hold, because how many times did Paxson or Kerr hit the big shot?.) and the play prior, LeBron passed off to Sasha pavlovic, who was so shocked to even get the ball, he carried, walked, and turned it over.
  3. Because everyone knew it was going to LeBron, EVERYONE watched.  (look at the lack of movement from the rest of the Cavs)

 

So LeBron drives in, gets abused worse than Michael Vick’s dogs, and the refs don’t blow the whistle.  (backlash from last years touch-foul on Dwayne Wade? Or even worse, backlash from suspending the other referee for threatening to fight Tim Duncan?)

What truly killed me, however, was the reaction of Coach Mike Brown, who should be fired as soon as RIGHT NOW.

Ok, LeBron didn’t get the foul, and Larry Hughes and Anderson Varejao didn’t get the putback.  Marshall still fouled Chauncey, and your ONLY DOWN 1.  Worst case scenario, Chauncey hits 2, Cavs are now down 3 AT WORST, and there’s STILL TIME ON THE CLOCK.  (Granted, it was about 1 second, but it only takes 0.3 seconds to catch and shoot a set shot 3 pointer.) But what does Coach Brown do? Throw a freaking PANSY ASS TANTRUM in the middle of the court, causing a technical foul, now pushing the worst case scenario to 4 points, or 2 possessions.  (the Pistons aren’t dumb enough to foul if they’re up 4 with 1 second left on a 3 point play, and even if they did, it probably wouldn’t have been called anyway)

 

And then at the end of the game, at the post game interviews, Mike Brown opts to take the high road.  HEY YOU FAT IDIOT, THE GAME HAS BEEN LOST.  THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS YOU GET FINED 50K.  YOUR FAT ASS SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED.  DON’T TELL ME “YOU WERE JUST CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT.”  Ignorant shit.

 

Now onto the Western Conference.  It’s the Jazz versus the Spurs.  The Jazz are like a Junior Varsity team playing against an all star team.  What’s the point of even trying? The only way the Jazz win 2 is if they get Tim Duncan drunk at a bar the night before the game, then kidnap him.  (wasn’t there a REALLY bad movie about this with the Celtics?)

I choose not to write any more about them, because there really isn’t much to say here.

 

Oh wait.

 

The Jazz have cool looking jerseys.

 

Here’s what we get to look forward to: Spurs versus Pistons.

 I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen that episode before…

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An OFFICIAL DRUNK RANT!

May 20, 2007 at 2:56 am (Uncategorized)

Discl;aimer – to prove a point, i have chosen to not use the backspace button on the following post, primarily to showcase my retartedness while being druink, but also, to truly see how i fair in a witty blog that i am trying to type straight out of my thoughts.

bare with me a moment and be amused in my intoxication.

The concept of this post is to capture the very essence of what is the drunk Kyrish.  That is his random thoughts, wants, goals, and dersires.  and probably not any of those in any form of order whatsoever.

Hey, what do you want from me, I’m drunk.

OK – background… Mary and Eric had their annual “summer drinkathon” or whatever they want to call it.  Suaree, party, shindig, whatever.  I figured it’s only right of me to bring beers, of which i would drink a generous sum of.  (which i did)

at said gatherign, I was with a few of my old friends from my 2003 Junior year days, when I was an RA at Alden Hall.  All these peoples were my residents, and yes, we partied hard.  cuz that how we roolled.

(again, I apologize in advance for the poor spelling and lack of true thought that goes into a blog, but as I had said before, the purpose of this is to truly catch teh very essence of a drunk Kyrishm, including this apology, taken completely out of context)

Anyway, where was i?

I like the feeling of being intoxicatied.  Not because I am drunk, but because it is one of the few times wehre i fee l like i can get awaty with a variety of things.  A prime example being calling every body in the room crackers, white people, or the like.  Primarily because there were quite a few caucazoids at said part,y , and unuallly because the few minorities that were involved, were much like me …. loud and straight to the point.  It waS QUITE AWESOME.

sorry, the caps lock was on.  Again, no usagfe of backspace allowed.  I think i’m doing pretty good.

OK, i’ve realized thjere is no point to this rant.  I also realize that i’m very hungry, and tired.

so perhjaps this is where the story ends, my dear friends.

Also, your mom is a whore.  a dirty, vaginal secretion of a whore.

Maybe that doesnt make sens e right niow even to me, but nonethe less, I stand by my statement.

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HOT CARL!

January 19, 2007 at 5:59 pm (Uncategorized)

quick background info –

Hot Carl is also a defined here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hot-Carl

I like the tube sock definition best.

there’s a guy who is a morbidly obese version of Carl Winslow, who works within my building.  We have nicknamed him “Hot Carl”

Hot Carl was seen and overheard speaking to people at 8 AM, using the corporate blackberry, stating the phrase, “don’t you worry, I’ll handle the press on that, consider it done”

Therefore, Hot Carl must be semi- important.

Hot Carl also looks like a fat slob, and every time i see him, he has some form of food remnance on his face.

that is the background info, now I bring you a conversation through work IM’s:

Me          whats your problem with Hot Carl?

Co-worker          frankly kyrish, he scares me.

Co-worker          :/

Me          HC?

Me          why

Me          he’s a walking demi-god.

Me          if we were in Greek and roman times

Me          he’d be comparable to Circe or maybe even a Minotaur.

Co-worker          yes, perhaps

Co-worker          the only good thing about being his friend would be if we ever got stranded somewher

eCo-worker          we can feed on him for weeks

Me          hahahahah

Co-worker          lol

Me          personally, I think hanging out with hot Carl would be a good thing

Me          he’d know where all the good places for food are

Me          in Asia he’d be seen as a rich man

Me          and he bares a striking resemblance to Carl Winslow,

Me          so technically, every day is Halloween.

Me          which means he must get showered with gifts made of sugars and coated in chocalatey goodness.

Me          which explains his rather unique proportions.

Co-worker          ok but do you know how much harder your car would have to work to drive around to all these good places to eat

Me          who said I would drive?

Co-worker          doesn’t matter the car breaks down and you’re in it.. You both will have to walk to get help (assuming he ate the phones bc he was hungry). He’d eventually pass out and you’d have to carry him the rest of the way

Co-worker          good luck.

Me          not at all.

Me          firstly, he has a number of phones

Me          I saw this

Co-worker          lol I want to be showered with gifts made of sugars and chocalatey goodness

Me          so even if he were to eat his black berry

Me          for obvious reasons

Me          he has a back up.

Me          secondly, a guy like him must be connected in some way to a hospital, as it is very possible that he would need emergency assistance at any moment

Co-worker          hahahah

Me          thirdly, I’ve never ridden in a helicopter before

Me          and in conjunction with the last statement regarding the hospital

Me          we’d have to be heli-vac’d over to a hospital.

Co-worker          hhahaahah

Co-worker          im dying

Co-worker          I mean.. r u even picturing how awesome that would be

Me          you KNOW I am.

Me          the negatives would be riding in elevators with him.

Me          that’s the only thing that could be a negative

Me          but even then

Me          I took that chance.

Me          and sure, maybe you wont win a three-legged race with him as co-pilot, either

Me          but it will NEVER be your fault.

Co-worker          maybe he should go to Asia then.

Co-worker          at least maybe he can train with that kid who always wins the Nathan’s hotdog contests

Co-worker          study how one can eat so much without reaping any consequences

Me          he doesn’t need training.

Me          he’d be a 2:1 odds sumo wrestler

Co-worker          you’re right, one might say he has a master black belt in eating

Me          do you know how well Sumo wrestlers get treated in Japan?

Co-worker          lol

Co-worker          just as well as the normal fatties

Me          no, my simple, uncultured friend…

Me          the Sumo Wrestler is an athlete.

Me          he gets paid to eat and push people around

Me          people enjoy his sloth.

Co-worker          he can be the black yoko ono (sp?)

Me          the Sumo wrestler gets free meals, they are easily recognizable, and they get High-fives all the time

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without further adieu…

January 9, 2007 at 11:27 am (Relating to Work)

My immediate apologies for not updating this sooner.

Let me catch you up to date:

November – pretty busy month, also the month that good ol’ RBo got terminated.

Not very cool.

 

This obviously was meant to be a defining “shock to our system” type of events, where my boss knew that RBo was not the issue, but the firing of him would be.

 

Don’t worry RBo, I poured water on the carpet for you, right along with Smoove and mini-smoove.

 

Immediately after that, our office went quiet.  No more personal e-mails, no more personal websites during work.  (Except for ESPN.)  Thus the reason for the giant layoff in blogging.

 

So anyway, this firing caused an even more significant rift between management (and I say that jokingly, being that the people I worked for were a bunch of chumps that couldn’t man up to anything, but that’s another story in which the RBo might want to delve into further) and us peons.  Almost immediately after, they hired some clown to come in and be “team leader” in an attempt to say, “well, if they won’t respect us, and we simply do not want Kyrish to be leader, might as well get a bald, no-teeth having 30 year old who probably get’s ID’d because he facially looks no older than Webster, hire him to be team leader.  Maybe then things will be ok.”

 

Yeah, not so much.

 

The week after RBo’s hand was forced, yours truly went on an interview within the company (different sub organization, same building) for another position.  Within a few days, Kyrish became corporate.  But of course, this couldn’t happen immediately, because the man they wouldn’t elect as team leader, obviously knew more technical information on the business then the rest. 

 

I had to ask my manager to be a reference, as it was an internal move, and so they requested a conversation with her.  At first I thought, “This could be bad.  This could be real bad”

Then it hit me:  If I was somewhat of a wild horse, un-muzzled, unbridled, and simply an angry employee (after all, they did fire my friend for no reason other than the fact that they couldn’t fire me) and they were afraid of me, why not give me a great review, so they could push their problem to someone else?

 

Works out for me.  Fresh start, new place, new people, more money, better benefits.  I can’t complain.

 

I couldn’t wait to tell these fools, “yo bitches, I’m out.  Mad ups to smoove, kid.  1 love to RBo, and all my other fallen brethren.”  But of course, due to the transition of knowledge in training, I was needed for another 3 weeks.  What helped me feel better about this elongated stay was the fact that it was Christmas time, and I didn’t want to have the added pressure of a new job along with the problems of finding time to look for gifts, and all that other consumerism bullshit that is totally unnecessary any more.  (side note:  I have not yet met anyone who doesn’t agree with me that this past holiday season did certainly not feel anything like past Christmas seasons.)  and the fact that there’s no better feeling than going into work every day with the mantras of the American worker:

·        if you give me 7 days to complete the task, I’ll start it on the 6th, and claim the deadline was unattainable.

·        Something went wrong? SO?  Does it LOOK like I care?

·        No I can’t give you a hand, I’m totally swamped over here.  I’ve got a 2 PM desk cleaning scheduled, and after that, I’m contemplating taking a 30 minute meeting at the water cooler.

 

I did you proud, RBo.

 

So new Team Leader guy comes in, and I need to spend most of my time training him on my stuff.  Do you know how many times I said, “nah, don’t worry about taking notes, it will come to you.”

HAH.

 

mid way through training, the guy asks me, “So, when you’re gone, are we screwed?”

 

Yes, toothless Tim.  Yes you are.

 

Training took a while, primarily because mr. 30 year old with an MBA couldn’t figure out how to cut-and-paste anything, and on top of that, Dude had irritable Bowel syndrome.  Every 20 minutes or so he’d need to hobble his way to the bathroom.

Kind of reminded me of a little hobbit with a gunshot wound to the leg and the Gaul bladder the size of a golf ball.

So the last 3 weeks of work, I put it in Cruise.  Forwarded any e-mails that needed immediate attention, and didn’t bother answering my phone when certain people within the organization would call.  “Sorry, I was toooo busy, creating an exit strategy, backing up files, and creating documentation, not including the crazy amount of hours I spent training.”

 

Clowns.

 

My last week of work was dec. 27-29th (25th and 26th, mon. and tues., were days off) I had opted to take my remaining time off, but to come in for ½ a day, stretched out between two days (2 hours here, 2 hours there)

Believe it or not, I actually did work on the first day.  Then it hit me, “Screw these guys. Its Christmas time, I’m only here for 2 hours, and I’m leaving this job.”

 

This helped me immediately, as I just took everything from my inbox (about 113 unread items) and deleted them permanently.

 

“oh well, tough shit”

 

Did it help me?  Obviously.  I didn’t have to stress about anything.  I had an out of office assistant on.  Not my fault they relied on me.

If they needed me so much, why wasn’t I given a better job? Why did they have to hire someone external, whom I needed to train, to be MY team leader?

 

Tip to anyone out there who might run into this: DO NOT HIRE SOMONE TO BE A BOSS, AND THEN ASK THE UNDERLINGS WHO CLEARLY DESERVED THAT POSITION TO TRAIN THE NEW GUY.

 

Seriously, what the fuck were they thinking?

 

In all honesty, yes, I did leave a fairly good backup plan, at least, so I thought I did.  Hasn’t stopped them from calling me every now and again looking for direction.

  

Now to bring you to speed on my new position:

I’ve been here a full week.  Last week I was busy, running around, gathering up information on what I was to do.  This week, both my bosses have called in sick, have left no plans, no work to be done, and so everyone is left to take care of their normal day-to-day activity.

 

But I don’t have any day-to-day activities yet.

 

So yesterday, I scheduled a meeting with my Xbox 360.

 

Today I think I shall schedule a meeting with a mr. B. Barker.

 

Kyrish, COOOOOOME ON DOWN!

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ESPN.com writers have great headlines.

November 6, 2006 at 12:01 am (Uncategorized)

I think this pretty much speaks for itself.  

(Click picture for better view)

espn.JPG

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Halloween Weekend Summary

October 30, 2006 at 7:45 pm (Random Awesomenessity)

To bring you up to speed, my girlfriend, her sister, a friend of mine, and I had gone up to Boston for one of my friends birthdays (who is currently residing in Boston) and also for Halloween weekend.

Here is a quick wrap-up with some entertaining stories.

 

  1. The city of Boston’s streets were laid out and planned by a group of mentally handicapped senile Down-syndrome suffering adults who suffer from dementia.  I’m absolutely certain about this, regardless of what other information is provided.
  2. To get a hotel in Boston, one would have to pay $300+ a night.  Seeing as how I am not Tom Brady, I stayed in a hotel outside of Boston for $180/night.  (7 miles outside to be exact)  Apparantly this 7 miles would be a lot shorter if THE ROADS FUCKING STAYED THE SAME.  If you own a map or atlas relating to Boston, and it is over 2 days old, THROW IT OUT.  We were on 1 road that changed names 3 times, at least 3 roads that just RANDOMLY split into two, and then one MAGICALLY became a 1-way COMING the opposite direction, and also, I was able to find 2 roads that were one-way Dead ends.

I’ll let you read that last line again.

Got it?

One-way dead ends.

How the FUCK do you get out of a one-way dead end legally?

  1. The only real way to get around Boston is walking. The Proposed “T line” which is supposed be “as good” as the NYC subways, are far from it.  They are slow as balls, they don’t seem to know which way they are going (Outbound Vs. Inbound… one would assume this means “from Boston” or “To Boston.”  This is a bad assumption.  And most importantly, they stop running at 12:30 AM.  This is terrible because the Bars have last call at 2.  (really 1:30 AM)  This means you have to rely heavily on the taxi cab company.  Here’s what resulted.
    1. Walked out of the bars, joined about 25 people trying to fit in 1 taxi.  No good. 
    2. Walked to the nearest corner, took about 10 minutes to flag down 1 taxi, when I told him we were going to a place outside of boston, he drove away, thinking he was awesome.
    3. Crossed another street, waited to flag down another taxi.  I needed to piss, so I let the good yellow river flow behind a 7-11 (which, unusually enough, there was 1 down every corner, even more so than a Starbucks, but we did not see 1 Boston Market…. Strange.)
    4. Post-pissage, I see two whiteboys on the corner where I was attempting to flag down a cab.  So I move about 30 feet in front of them, try to flag one down.  I then hear a very faint, “hey, lines back here, get behind us.”

My response, “what did you say to me?”

“I said, get behind me.  You cant get a cab ahead of me.  Get in line.  Or…”

“Or what, whitey?  I don’t get behind NOBODY.  What fuckin line do you see?  Does this look like a taxi booth to you?  It’s a fucking street.”

“I said, get in line.”

“yeah, ok.”  (I proceed to get in the road now, trying to flag down a taxi)

“You get a cab, I’m pulling you out”

“Fucking come over here and say that to me”

(At this point, Anna is trying to say, “let me catch a cab, he wont do anything to a girl”  and I calmly retort, “fine, you get a cab, I’ma beat his ass”)

Whiteboy responds back, “I’ll pull you both out, throw you in the river”

“Is that your threat?  Fucking moron.  You’ll throw me in a river? Nice one.  I’ll kick your ass, and your friends ass, if you keep talking to me”

At this point my friend walks over, and now it’s a 2-2 guy ratio.  What happens?  The whiteboys get pissed and walk down the road. 

I’m not sure If I’m more pissed at my friend for 1) stepping in that late, or 2) stepping in at all, and thus, squashing any chance of me putting a whiteboys face through a windshield.  It wasn’t just the alcohol in me that made me believe I could win a 2 on 1, but his other friend was whispering behind him, “cut it out, cut it out”  Yeah, I totally would have beaten some whiteboy ass that night.  (we did get a cab, about 40 minutes after leaving the bar)

Finally we get back to the hotel, and proceed to play cards and continue drinking.  We all had a very intoxicatingly good time.  And that was Friday.

 

Saturday was recovery day, as we did not get out of the Hotel till about 2 PM.  After a bunch of us showered, we dropped my buddy off at his place to get cleaned up, while we got food.  He then called me 20 min. later b/c he wanted to join, so I offered to pick him up. 

While attempting to leave this parking lot, I was faced with a very strange intersection.  There was an island on my side, which forced me to go right, onto a completely different road, or to take the left.  There was no lines, so I was not sure (and still am not sure) if that was a 1-way road.  I proceed to take the left, I saw a green light in my general direction, and continued.  I was then sitting about 3 feet infront of a Police officer who was trying to turn right.  I give him the right of way, and when I can, I floor it,  Just in case he was thinking about turning around (feasibly impossible in that intersection) I figured I’d make a get-away.  It worked.  Either that, or he saw the NY License plates and said, “shit, I don’t know where I’m going, how the fuck would he know.  I can’t pull him over for something like that.”

I pick him up, we all eat food, and that’s where things get a lil crazy.  Anna and her sister wanted to meet up with friends 10 minutes away (walking) but about 30 minutes, 4 1-way’s, and 3 illegal U-turns later.  My friend Clark has a brilliant idea of driving to “

“Haavad Bars” to see what that’s all about.  I didn’t care, as long as it involved drinking. 

 

We proceed to drive around, each of us examining the current map thoroughly.  We get to Harvard Square.  There are plenty of bars and lots of people on the street.  We think it’s a good idea to go here.

Problem was: AINT NO GODDAMN PLACE WE CAN PARK. 

So we drive around side-streets looking to park, only getting ourselves more and more lost.  We certainly weren’t on the map any more, that’s for sure.

Now One can blame this on us just taking random lefts and rights, but I would also say it can be attributed to the fact that Clark and I were rolling down our windows and screaming out obscenities at random folk, as if we were suffering from Tourets.  These were some of the words we used, loudly and quickly:NUTBAG, BALL HAIR, ASS CREAM, BUUUUUTTT SEX.  This was a nut-bagging good time.

Karma’s a bitch.  We spent the next 30 minutes looking for how to get back.

 

Elongated story made semi-short: Lots of driving, 3 hours, 2 bars, 1 drink.  Not a great time.

But it was highlighted by the fact that we decided to wait for the girls by the car, then figured we had some time to kill, walked to the corner bar, turned back around because they tried to charge a $10 cover for 1 drink, and then we over hear, “the transvestite bar down the corner, there, provides plenty of amusing characters.” 

Thank GOD we did not step into that bar.

 

And Finally, we went to a costume party.

 

Here’s who I was:

 

 

And I was AWESOME. 

 

And now, your time is up.

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NFL wrap-up Week 7

October 23, 2006 at 2:46 pm (Uncategorized)

ok, so I haven’t been updating this recently…

 I’ve actually been BUSY at work.

dont worry, I decided to just phase out for the entirity of today, and so, without further adieu…

  Vikings vs. Seahawks

The Vikings came to Qwest stadium in Seattle, and had to deal with the over-boisterous “12th man” that is the Seahawks fans.  They boast the loudest DBA (Decibals) in an NFL stadium (perhaps amplified by speakers??) and have cause many botched snap-counts and distractions.  A good way to get rid of that noise?  Dive onto their QB’s leg, sending him off the field, and leaving them with Seneca Wallace.  I now give you this wonderful excerpt from ESPN.com:

Seneca Wallace, a fourth-year veteran who has never started an NFL game, was 14-for-25 for 134 yards passing and two interceptions. He also lost a fumble in his own end zone while Ben Leber sacked him. Kevin Williams covered the ball for Minnesota’s final score.“For the circumstances, I think I did all right,” Wallace said. I can’t agree more.  2 fantastic INT’s and a fumble lost in his End zone to the Vikings for a TD.  That’s Charlie Batch-esque.  And if you listen to a ton of Steeler fans, they’ll be “more than fine” with Charlie Batch. Just for the record, they are now down 1 star RB (Madden Curse) and a very high-quality QB.  Superbowl curse?  NAH.31-13, Flavor Flav hats.  

 

Broncos vs. Browns

Story behind this is the fact that Romeo Crennel  gave up virtually their whole Defensive line from a couple of years ago, and Mike Shannahan picked them up, and turned them into the newly formed “BROWNcos Defensive line.”  Which has allowed a mere 44 points the entire season. Plummer was flat-out abysmal, throwing 2 Int’s and only 1 TD.  Dude only scored 15 points in my fantasy league.  What a bum.  When summarizing this game, one can only leave with this statement: We are talking about a game with the Browns, so no one really cares. 

17-7, ponies over UPS.

   

Redskins vs. Colts

Seriously, I’m about as tired about hearing of Norv Turner’s 700-page offensive schemes.  Dare I say it, it’s borderline T.O. noteworthy, meaning that everyone who talks about the Redskins has to talk about this offensive playbook.  IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY PAGES ARE IN THERE, WORK ON THE FIRST 30 AND TRY TO WIN A GODDAMN GAME.  Joe Gibbs left Brunell in when it was 36-14 with 5 minutes left in the 4th, just so that Brunell can pad his stats, and to assure Redskins fans that he has not lost hope with Brunell.  I’m thinking its more that his Backup QB sucks.

36-22, Colts trounce the Racial stigmas.

   Chargers vs. Chiefs

I had not had the ability to watch/listen to this game, but from what I heard, it seemed like a trouncing early, with KC leading S.D. 20-3, then 20-6, then 27-6, 27-13.  This was all in the first half.  A couple of things to point out: 1.) KC’s O-line is still pretty good.

2.) LJ is still a beast, and Reggie Bush got a good 2nd pick in his league. 3.) you can NOT stop Ladainian Tomlinson.  You try to shut him down from rushing, he gets a 37 yard Receiving Touchdown.  He rushes again, you’re right in front, ready to pounce, but wait! He stops back, and lobs it over your head for an easy TD.  Since 2003 (First year he attempted) LT is 6 – 9 in completions,  107 yards, and 5 TD’s, for a SICK passer rating of 146.8.  Despite his efforts,  it wasn’t enough.  A Late 53-yard field goal by Lawrence Tynes (LT3?) won it for the other Racial stigmas, 30-27.

   

Steelers vs. Falcons

I REAAAAAALLY wished I watched this game.  Everyone hates on Vick’s passing, then he throws 4 TD’s, and people sing a different tune.  Look, the guy is talented, but if you keep in mind that all those TD’s were short-yardage TD’s, and that he basically had the reins held firm by Mora, knowing full-well that the Steelers Corners and Safeties are excellent at what they do, but the Linebacking Corps without Joey Porter would be lost, Mora called short-yardage plays.  Vick scrambled most of the time, keeping the LB corps around him, focusing on him if in case he runs, which allowed Crumpler to rumble his way to 20 yard passes.Of course vick would rather throw a 60-yard TD bomb followed by a 50-yard TD run, but if you keep him in and just make it LOOK like you are going for the big play, good things can open up.  Also, as much as I hate to say this, knowing full-well that this will be one of the first issues on Around the Horn, did Roethlisberger fall off his motorbike because of a black cat that crossed his path, which sent him flying under a large ladder, into about 63 mirrors, or is he just having one of those “I should have been on the cover of Madden” seasons?  And need I say anything more than “Charlie Batch?”

41 – 38, Birds over former Russian and Italian immigrant steelworkers

  

Pats vs. Bills

Pats Defense killed the Bills.  JP Losman is still JP Losman, and nowhere close to Jim Kelly.  Nothing to report here.

28-6 Patricias over Williams

   

Panthers vs. Bengals

Wanted to watch this game, heard it wasn’t too entertaining.  Benglas took a big risk in going for a 4th and 1 from the Bengals 35.

“It was ballsy,” Johnson said of the fourth-and-one play-call that Johnson turned into a diving 32-yard grab. “That was some Scarface-type shit there.”

I guess he’s one guy who’s gotten comfortable with his Wide Receivers coach and offensive coordinator.  Take note, “the Player”

17-14 Orange-and-black-striped felines over blue/black

  

Packers vs. Miami

Miami SUCKS.

34-24 Favres.

   

Lions vs. Jets

This was actually an entertaining game.  I was driving back from LI (3 hour drive… a 3 hour driiiiive) and had this on the radio to drown-out my girlfriends conversations about something or other.  It worked wonders, she actually went to sleep.  Nonetheless, it was entertaining to me.  Jon Kitna reminds me of a quarterback JUST GOOD ENOUGH to get you a tie, but not a win.  Kitna played well, relied on Kevin Jones (and thankfully, as I started him, on my Girlfriends suggestion) and they played well, but wasn’t enough for the Green Men.  Mangini was calling some really good offensive plays, and it worked out well.  And then theres the fact that they were playing the Lions.

31-24, airplanes.

   

Philly vs. Buccaneers

Lets break this down by points.

Philly had the ball, McNabb threw to the Buccaneers Ronde Barber, who returned the INT for 37 yards and a TD.

Bruce Gradkowski got the Buc’s far enough to score a FG. 

McNabb now throws another pass to Ronde Barber, and no one is able to pick him up, 66-yard INT for TD. 

(2 receptions, 103 yards, 2 TD’s = 1 for rec. + 10 for yards + 3 bonus for going over 100 yards + 12 for 2 TD’s plus 5 point bonus for 50+yard TD equals out to: 2 + 10 + 3 + 12 + 5 = 32 Fantasy points, if Ronde was a receiver.)

another Field goal somewhere by the Buc’s (this one didn’t matter)

McNabb was able to SOMEHOW still engineer a comeback, throwing for 3 TD’s, and chunks.  (it was 105 degrees F. on the field, and McNabb barfed before a TD pass.  Probably got extra time to throw as no one really wanted to land on him for the sack and smell of Chunky Soup.)

Philly is now up, 21-20.

The Bucs call their Kicker, Matt Bryant, to try a PRAYER 62-yard Field goal.  And guess what? MONEY.

23-21, Scurvy.

*Interesting stat: The Eagles outgained the Bucs in yardage, 506-196, but had four turnovers to Tampa Bay’s none.*

   

Jaguars vs. Texans

It’s pretty evident that the Jaguars were watching and game-planning on Houstons last game, the thrashing from the Dallas Cowboys.  They were more than underprepared, and thought this was going to be a cupcake-win.  They lost, Byron Leftwich was terrible (125 yards, 0 TD’s) and their running game is Fragile Fred. 

27-7    the non-Reggie Bushes

 

And finally, I know you were all waiting on this one…

  

Arizona vs. Oakland

people of Arizona – be prepared to see this in your daily newspaper:

Wanted – Head coach

Has to know how to play offense,

Should not have owned or operated a B&B

Experience isn’t necessary.

Experience with the Raiders is ABSOLUTELY not wanted.

Should know the Bears were what we thought they were.

Inquire within.

 

I mean really, how the HELL do you lose to the Raiders?  Especially with Edge and Anquan.  Wow.  I was absolutely awestruck when I saw the ticker showing Ari 9, OAK 22.

 

Goodbye and good luck, Denny Green.

 

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Work Sucks

September 28, 2006 at 7:39 pm (Relating to Work)

Hey,

here’s a great idea to boost morale…

firstly, you give everyone monkey work, which can easiley be described as monotonous, droning work that even a simple ape could do while drunk off a bottle of Jim Beam.

next step, you yell at the monkeys for slacking off when there is no monkey work to be done, because it has all been completed in a timely fashion and done well.  (because lets face it, even if i was a ‘Tard with down syndrome and no arms, I would still be able to do this work)

finally, 10 minutes after you threaten to fire them, you give them even more monkey work, with the phrases, “these are very important” and “an auditor WILL come knocking, asking you questions that even I dont know, and expect you to take responsibility for this”

Hey, thanks for making an employee feel wanted, welcomed, and enthusiastic to try hard.

Dipshits.

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